i convinced a tinder boy last night that we had the same number so i didnt have to text him pic.twitter.com/HrNXc5la6s— ♡ (@kaylasheagg) November 23, 2019
PSA: There is no "comedy" MAGA hat with different words funny enough to be worth the confusion in the moments leading up to reading it— Christopher Miller (@chrizmillr) November 23, 2019
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) November 23, 2019
A sheepdog herding sheep, seen from the sky. Mesmerizing.— Heidi N. Moore (@moorehn) November 23, 2019
Somebody needs to call HR on this man... pic.twitter.com/fGJmE4uP8V— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) November 24, 2019
Bet you didn't see that one coming pic.twitter.com/fTLQtMDTVr— viralvideos (@BestVideosviral) November 24, 2019
Dude is very calm. pic.twitter.com/65ioXGeNoI— jamie (@gnuman1979) November 24, 2019
Move over, baby shoes never worn pic.twitter.com/YxZeKdO9j3— Ginger (@gingerBFG) November 25, 2019
FOR SALE: BABY YODA SHOES- NEVER WORN, THEY WERE— Chip Chantry (@ChipChantry) November 26, 2019
Having a beer with a co-worker I was surprised to hear he was born in '92.— Antonio García Martínez (@antoniogm) November 25, 2019
Me: Wow. That's young.
Him: And you?
Him: You look really good for 76.
Me: Thanks. People often guess younger.
More conversation. I soon realize he thinks I'm 76 years old.
It's Thanksgiving Week so let's celebrate bisexual Bob Belcher. pic.twitter.com/xqTf3l17q0— JOHNNY (@Iceman81X) November 26, 2019
would love to know which galaxy brain exec thought that murdering the free, unlimited user-generated marketing campaign would be a good idea https://t.co/eu0W1q64o9— rat king (@MikeIsaac) November 25, 2019
this will forever be my absolute number 1 favourite dialogue choice in any game pic.twitter.com/7WkQfawFum— Klume 🎷 Hop defense squad (@KlumeScribbles) November 25, 2019
How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria (1959) https://t.co/5XFYp8yLfI— larry (@larryowenslive) November 26, 2019
Love this new catchphrase! pic.twitter.com/aRnUQYfKIX— pixelatedboat aka "mr tweets" (@pixelatedboat) November 25, 2019
and i need that 1% to know her brother killed her, the parents covered it up and you can't convince me of any other scenario. https://t.co/NaiUfwAN23— JOE (@JXESAID) November 26, 2019
I just found out this 🙏🏼 is a HIGH FIVE and NOT praying hands!!!! I HIGH FIVED MY BOSS AFTER HER MISCARRIAGE!!!!!— Grey DeLisle-Griffin (@GreyDeLisle) November 26, 2019
this is one he, as far as I can tell, literally just invented today? https://t.co/ojI5pq4KYI— Chris Hayes (@chrislhayes) November 27, 2019
Listen with the sound on... pic.twitter.com/Ct3mUdQHsy— Yashar Ali 🐘 (@yashar) November 26, 2019
Flight attendant: Is there a doctor onboard?— Laura Gao ✌️ (@heylauragao) November 26, 2019
Dad: *nudging me* that should've been you
Me: Not now Dad
Dad: Not asking for a Product Manager to help, are they?
Me: Dad, there's a medical emergency happening right now
Dad: Go and see if "let's have a follow-up meeting" helps
peeling garlic cloves like um excuse me but it's time to take off your little jacket— roche (@kvetchkween) November 27, 2019
stephen king's mind:— kate (@fiImsbi) November 27, 2019
what if dog...bad?
what if car...bad?
what if clown...bad?
what if hotel...bad?
Gammon: YOU CAN'T EVEN MAKE JOKES ANYMORE NOW ALL THE WORDS ARE BANNED— Mitten d'Amour (@MittenDAmour) November 27, 2019
Gen Z: pic.twitter.com/14tz2pSzAr
doctor: i've got good news and bad news— november blaine (@blainecapatch) November 28, 2019
me: lay it on me
doctor: well, taint cancer
me: oh thank god! what's the bad news?
doctor: that WAS the bad news https://t.co/tDDXODr1qT
I mean, I know we're all making fun of it, but honestly, doesn't a little sunshine on your asshole sound like a nice thing?— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) November 28, 2019
I think my Instacart driver wanted to tell me something pic.twitter.com/gnRS6L1X42— decent pigeon (@decentbirthday) November 28, 2019
Me: do you think he called himself T.S. Eliot so nobody would notice that T. Eliot is toilet backwards?— Dropped Mike (@rebrafsim) November 27, 2019
Librarian: stop talking
someone swapped the batman and catwoman character models and... oh my god pic.twitter.com/BneQFmdIzf— juan (@juanbuis) November 27, 2019
I... is... George Clooney actually Batman? Like, for real, for real? https://t.co/DZLp7qF63A— Saeed Jones (@theferocity) November 28, 2019
Jesus it's enormous https://t.co/gLhdHtWZLf— Nic Sampson (@NicSampson) November 27, 2019
Please enjoy the greatest talk-show entrance of all time: Nicolas Cage on Wogan, 1992. pic.twitter.com/hH4CJmj371— Nick de Semlyen (@NickdeSemlyen) November 27, 2019
Tweet a real picture of you shirtless https://t.co/r9vRAOLmVr— M i s t e r A m e r i c a (@timheidecker) November 27, 2019
I don't know who needs to hear this but Jennifer Garner makes videos on her Facebook and often she cooks and they're so wholesome. Here's one of her making bagels. How can you not love this woman? pic.twitter.com/r5evPxIsTr— norman fucking rockwell (@scotty_13_) November 28, 2019
My brother came strapped for Thanksgiving pic.twitter.com/tmxCabyS8H— nina (@ninaemlemdi) November 29, 2019
Oh, so when other ppl call their pets "fur baby" its fine but when I call a kid a "skin dog" somehow I'm "disgusting" and "the worst pediatrician in this hospital"??— Andy Matthews (@stupidoldandy) November 28, 2019
HOLLERING. Dawg I really hope my wife this good with the kids because I am going to be running through the house HOLLERING LMFAO LMFAO LMFAO pic.twitter.com/6CA0yhIY3M— Father Dyke (@LegendLesbian) November 28, 2019
this is doubly hilarious because they've got these books that they purchased to butter up to don jr. stacked under a sign that says 'capitalism not cronyism' https://t.co/AOPsEXXuPI— Alex Thomas (@AlexThomasDC) November 28, 2019
my friend found a youtube channel of a guy reviewing Family Guy episodes in his car and it's the best content i've seen in quite some time pic.twitter.com/i5Yi2vCJ9k— Spencer (@TheLonelyPhoton) November 28, 2019
Come on, man... pic.twitter.com/rDHRuOA8IG— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) November 29, 2019
Me in the kitchen not helping: pic.twitter.com/2rM5E3UkqI— Breanna Steer (@BreannaAI12) November 28, 2019
Here is a thread of dogs who destroyed Thanksgiving dinner— Ian Boudreau (@iboudreau) November 29, 2019
Ben Affleck really fucked up https://t.co/mOLfgU0acq— Ace Canessa (@ace_canessa) November 29, 2019
Barely made it to the end of this sentence alive. https://t.co/4sN9Nkjxdi— Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) November 29, 2019
— Aaron Stewart-Ahn (@somebadideas) November 29, 2019